And How Do I Get Rid Of It?
The idea that we can hold another person's negative energy, any kind of energy, is a very common misconception. One I have been guilty of perpetuating myself through my word choices. However, even though this concept represents a limited perspective, it is not wrong. What, in fact, is happening when we think we have encountered and "picked up" someone else's negative energy is an experience of dissonance.
Dissonance is the opposite of resonance. It is an experience of disharmony, or the lack of harmony. When we encounter someone whose personal frequency or vibration in that moment does not resonate with our own personal frequency or vibration in that moment, meaning it does not match or harmonize, we experience a feeling that is often described as “negative”, meaning it does not feel good to us.
This is a natural reaction that has a purpose.
Moving further into the scenario, we may often feel, even once the person is gone from our physical environment, that their “energy” is still with us—that it has attached or stayed with us somehow. While this description is technically incorrect, this feeling is spot on. Let me explain.
When we encounter a person whose energy feels discordant to our own, someone who we judge or deem as “negative”, what in fact is happening is a resonance with that same energy, or potential experience, within ourselves. This resonance from without creates dissonance within, drawing our awareness to our own states or potential states of “negativity”, or of a state of being/feeling/experience which is not according to our preference.
The purpose of this experience is integration. By acknowledging the dissonance within ourselves, we naturally move into a space of allowing, which integrates these splintered “potentials”, or brings them into resonance—harmony. Harmony is a state of healing or well being, and it is our natural state.
The word ‘potential’ in the above paragraphs is very important. To understand this process we must understand that we each carry the potential for all human emotion/behavior/experience within our individual selves, whether we actively project those emotions/behaviors/experiences or not. Many times, the very thing in another that triggers our own experience of dissonance is something we have actively repressed, meaning we may not express it in our day to day lives. We choose not to express those emotions/behaviors/experiences which we judge less valuable. And this may in fact be in alignment with our highest self. But in so doing, we subconsciously reject even the potential for those qualities, and that creates a state of misalignment because the potential for every human experience always exists within every person. This is a natural byproduct of our interconnectedness which cannot be undone, but can and must be integrated.
Susie has just bumped into Amy in the grocery store. Susie knows Amy from ______ (fill in the blank—church, school, work, etc.). Amy immediately engages Susie in a conversation about a third acquaintance of theirs, Kathy, whom Amy has just heard was recently dumped by her boyfriend. While Amy affects an air of concern for Kathy, Susie cannot help but notice the underlying glee with which Amy announces her friend’s suffering. If there is one thing Susie abhors, it is a gossip. She feels her own happy mood decline rapidly the longer Amy talks, and disengages herself from the conversation as quickly as she can. But even as she loads her groceries into her car, cooks dinner that night, and prepares for bed, she still feels that some of Amy’s “bad vibes” have rubbed off on her. Susie is convinced that her brush with Amy has soured her entire day.
Here is what has actually happened:
Susie values qualities like compassion and tolerance over gossiping. She learned early on, likely from a cultural, community, or family role model, that gossiping is “bad”. This is not an incorrect judgment, as gossiping creates a focus on suffering which by law of attraction only increases suffering. However, that was not explained to Susie. Instead, Susie learned to label the behavior of gossiping and quickly began repressing it in herself. As an adult, Susie rarely if ever engages in the act of gossip. And she rejects it every time she encounters it in others. When she bumps into Amy at the store, Amy’s gossip begins to resonate with Susie’s long suppressed inner-gossip, that is her potential to engage in gossip. This creates a feeling in Susie that she does not like—dissonance. Even when she leaves Amy, the feeling continues to plague her. Not because Amy is still with her, but because the part of herself which resonated with Amy is still with her. As a result, Susie may project this feeling outward onto Amy, blaming Amy for her own state of discomfort, and attempt to avoid Amy at all costs as a way of avoiding her own negative potential.
So why would something like this happen?
As I stated earlier, the purpose of dissonance is integration. In the scenario above, Susie will continue to experience dissonance every time she meets with another gossip. And because she is subconsciously repressing her own potential for gossip, she is actively engaged with it, which by law of attraction means she is destined to draw more gossipers into her life. This keeps Susie engaged in a cycle of resistance and misalignment, though the purpose is quite different.
In an ideal scenario, Susie would walk away from Amy and ask the question, “Why did that make me feel so bad? What does Amy mirror in myself that I don’t want to see?”
Through this process of exploration, Susie would become aware of her own potential for gossip—her potential to delight in the suffering and pain of others as a way to try and validate her own experiences of suffering and pain. No longer in the dark, or lost in her subconscious, Susie’s inner-gossip would then be integrated into her consciousness, and Susie would experience a feeling of relief rather than discomfort. In this state, Susie can actively offer acceptance, allowance, and even love to this side of herself, neutralizing its energy by bringing it into harmony or resonance with the rest of her. As a result, she would no longer be committing focus or energy to that part of herself through the act of consistently repressing and resisting it. And the next time she encountered Amy at the store, she not only would not feel dissonance around Amy, but she might even feel compassion for Amy because she has held compassion for that potential within herself. She would then walk away from her next encounter with Amy feeling better rather than worse, and is likely to discover that she rarely encounters gossip after that.
So, if we understand the laws of resonance and dissonance better, which are essentially the foundation for the law of attraction, how should we handle our next encounter with someone whose “negative” energy seems to be affecting us?
First, take notice when someone creates a feeling of dissonance or disharmony within you. In other words, acknowledge that you feel bad.
Second, ask yourself what about that person specifically made or is making you feel bad. What in the encounter stands out to you?
Third, instead of projecting your discomfort onto the other through the act of blame, ask yourself what about that mirrors what you don’t want to see in yourself.
Fourth, understand that this may not be a quality you express. In fact, in most cases it is a quality we repress. In other words, if someone else’s laziness triggers you, it does not mean you are lazy! It means you reject the potential to be lazy within yourself. You are likely a very hard worker because you value the quality of hard work over laziness. However, because you are actively engaged in the act of repression, which has heretofore been subconscious and therefore something you are unaware of, you are essentially giving energy and focus to laziness and drawing more of that (resonating with) into your life. You then seem to see it in others all around you. And rather than observing it objectively, it upsets you. This is the essence of a trigger.
Fifth, acknowledge this potential within yourself. If you can, bring the frequency of love to this potential. If that feels too hard, focus instead on holding a space of acceptance for this potential. When you can, move into holding a space of love.
Sixth, sit with this awareness and this space until you feel better. Feeling better is your cue that you have once again achieved resonance or harmony within and have integrated this aspect of yourself.
If you find this transmutation process daunting, there are tools you can use to help you. Tools allow us to work from the outside in until we reach a state in which we have enough alignment to begin working from the inside out.
Crystals, because of their resistance to entropy, are one of the best, if not the best, tool you can use to help you achieve resonance or harmony within. Any crystal associated with the qualities of love, compassion, and acceptance would work well, regardless of the trigger. These would be stones like rose quartz, pink opal, or watermelon tourmaline. Additionally, crystals associated with protection or the transmutation of negative energy would also work well, particularly if the experience of being triggered produces a high state of arousal in you, in other words, if you feel anxious. These would be stones like black tourmaline, smoky quartz, shungite, or onyx.
Another excellent tool is the tool of ritual. The act of ritual moves us through a transmutation process which actively engages the subconscious. You could write a letter to this disenfranchised part of yourself telling it all the reasons why you still love it or it has value. You could draw a picture to represent this part of yourself and then set it in a place of prominence in your sacred space or bury it under your favorite tree. You could play music which makes you feel loved and peaceful for this part of yourself. There are many ways to incorporate ritual and whatever you come up with will be right for you because it represents where you are in the process. I would only encourage you to consider rituals which enact and symbolize incorporation and connection—drawing in—over those which enact or symbolize division or separation—keeping out. Or, if you must work from the opposite channel, choose a ritual focused on dropping your resistance to that part of yourself, which is closer to the truth of what is actually happening.
If you stuck with me through this whole blog, kudos to you! Shifting into this greater awareness of your experience of perceived negative energy can feel challenging, but it is truly life changing. Please feel free to address any questions or concerns you have in the comments section below and I will do my upmost, with the help of my guides, to answer them for you.